Our Stories

Julie

Back in the summer of 2002, my life began to unravel. I was seeing a counselor to help me heal from an abusive childhood. As she asked me about deep wounds, I started shutting down emotionally. I began to have intense social anxiety that I managed by causing myself physical pain and starving myself. I slid into a deep depression, feeling like I was in some different plane of existence: I could see that I had a good life, but I couldn't experience any of the goodness. I became unable to function. I constantly strained to believe that God existed, Jesus was real and I was actually a Christian. I stepped down from the Village leadership team, stopped meeting with people, and was barely able to tend to my children. Eventually I went on medication for anxiety and bipolar disorder.  After a while, the meds kicked in, and I came to a new place as I continued to work through the emotional issues connected to my depression.

I am really grateful to have been at the Village during my time of crisis. I'm especially thankful for the ways that people cared for my kids along the way. When I had trouble holding on to my faith my community encouraged me that it was still there. When I felt emotionally disconnected, the Village music helped me to feel something more than numbness and hear what was true about God and Jesus. Once during this time, I was on an airplane listening to Village songs and talking to God about my unbelief and despair.  As I asked God to help me, the Village band started singing Psalm 148: "When I look into the heavens, golden skies declare your glory and I see your whisper, swirling clouds above me, revealing your silhouette." I looked out my window and saw an unbelievable cloud formation. It looked like a galloping, white horse coming straight toward me. In that moment, somewhere deep inside I said, "Of course I believe in you, God." I felt connected and chosen. At that moment, I experienced a glimmer of hope in my darkness, which would help light the way.